Honestly I want a Linux phone, but the scene needs to mature a bit. I’d also like a physical keyboard, so I’m even more limited in my options. LilyGo just released something I’d try, but it sold out almost instantly. Good call on the signal transfer, though I wish better platforms were catching on. Having to use a phone number to sign up kind of defeats the purpose in my opinion. Graphene and Postmark are on my short list of things to try if I end up on an android device.
To be totally honest I didn’t read your entire post, but just from your intro I think we are in similar situations. ISP router, low costs, using only the hardware you have around. I’ve solved a lot of stuff with Tailscale. None of my services are public facing and instead I connect to them over Tailscale (could be replaced with wireguard).
The wall I’m hitting you or maybe others could help with, is accessing my services from sub domains of a single Tailscale address rather than having to type port numbers for everything. I know this involves a reverse proxy and DNS (I use PiHole for that), but I’m stuck trying to configure the two in a way that actually works. Once I finally ditch iOS for good I’ll probably just sync a hosts file between all my devices using Syncthing to help streamline the DNS situation.
I’m very similar. Getting into self hosting and finding Lemmy happened somewhat in tandem. Now I’m happily tinkering along and looking at hosting my own instance! This comm has been a huge resource and seems very active!!
I use Unix Pass connected over Tailscale to a git server I host myself. The interface options for various devices are a bit clunky, but it basically “just works” outside of that.
Edit: I used to use KeePass and syncthing, which I think is probably the best (balance of simple and effective) combo for most users.