Me, bottom 10%, making coffee for a paycheck and scavenging my new pair of pants from a dumpster: Yeah, man, you said it.

Oh, hey, we’re up to the Enlightened Monarchs phase of the Enlightenment of the 18th century.

You’re gonna laugh, but I have a lot of love for Legend with Tom Cruise and Tim Curry. How Tim Curry managed to chew the set that hard with horns that size is beyond my acting skill to comprehend. And the fact that Tom Cruise ran around saving unicorns from Satan with a motley crew of fairy sidekicks is a sentence gay enough to make me puke rainbows. I’m already gay, man, I puke rainbows all month during June.

Seriously, it’s a good and awful movie. It has no plot, it’s just aesthetic art. But if you want a really good fantasy movie about unicorns… The Last Unicorn. Full stop. It has made me cry since I was a child. Not a B Movie, just a cult classic.

But if you REALLY want a B movie? Time Bandits. How the hell Kenny Baker went from R2-D2 to one of the gremlin thieves on strike because God wouldn’t let them have a turn on the time machine… I can’t. And kidnapping The Generic English Schoolboy as their sidekick was just… interesting. At least Sean Connery did a great job as Agamemnon.

Did you not see Musk do a fucking Sieg Heil on live TV last week and go on tour to shake hands with his fellow NeoNazis in Germany??

Have you missed the part where Trump said he fully planned on being a dictator? How about the 900-page manual where his lackeys described in detail how to do it?